; read & maybe you’ll get some insight. </3

But here you are with my heart right beside me.
Never thought that I’d follow through with my belief.
You took a dream and made it so real.
And I love the way this dream makes me feel; here you are!
Here you are.
—————-
Now playing: Alyssa Bernal – Here You Are
via FoxyTunes

i really should get some studying done. but i really can’t do anything with all my thoughts so messed up. yesterday was just fcked up. spent the entire night clearing up issues. &i don’t know if we’re cool now BUT okay fuck, i really don’t know. yesterday was suppose to be our 1 year, 1 fucking year but obviously you found yourself a new girlf. so fuck you. _|_ yesterday, i had to sit down & listen & comfort someone who told me her feelings bout you. &i really don’t know which is worst, to have her telling me about you OR having to listen through & then having to tell her what to do. </3 &there wasn’t anything  i could do cept to sit & listen & try to make her feel better.

i don’t know where we stand anymore. i don’t know if i could trust you anymore. what you said HURT. nobody said that to me NOBODY. i’m trying to forget about what happened but i can’t. every time i remember what you said, it just hurt me even more. </3 you said you don’t know what i think of you. so do you think i know what you think of me?! fuck hell no.

this shit is going nowhere. i don’t even know what i’m suppose to write. everything is in such a mess. all i want to do is just hide in one corner & cry. &forget the whole world. </3 i keep on crying is not even fucking funny anymore.

xoxoxo-
atiqah.

; have faith in me. ♡♡♡

I said I never let you go and I never did
I said I never let you fall and I meant it
If you didn’t have a chance then I never did
You’ll always find me right there again
—————-
Now playing: A Day To Remember – Have Faith In Me
via FoxyTunes

last week of freshmen year. 2 more days of lessons & then finals starts on saturday, 5 days of grueling exams & then i’m done with the first year. WOW. time do fly. so semester 2 has been a fun but tough semester. getting good grades was much more difficult. maintaining the ‘B’ grade for every lesson was kinda tough for me. having the consistency was pretty much something that i couldn’t really manage. but i must say, i enjoyed this semester more than the previous semester. i rarely had the “oh, i really don’t want to get to class” thoughts this time round. & i didnt really ditch class the whole day & even if i did, i was at home xD so yup.

3 modules down. ended. web & new media ended with a very DRY lesson. i didn’t attend communication lesson cus I simply didn’t feel like it & also because my brother flew home from Dubai yesterday morning xD finally he is back home after having gone since October. wowee. Marketing today simply kills all our brain cells. HA. now its left w Cognitive & Maths. :S hopefully, it’ll be fine (: Communication UT on saturday. after which, i’ll be like rushing home for brother’s solemnization at 3pm (: wedding dinner will be held in the night & then sunday will be wedding ceremony. busy busy busy beees. BUT it’s a good thing I don’t have a paper on monday so i can rest & do some last minute revision xDD

lots of stuffs has been happening since last week. it just bring me down deeper & deeper & deeper. i don’t know what i’m doing anymore. but yeah. I decided that i’m either deleting my twitter or go on hiatus for a while like what i did on dailybooth. http://dailybooth.com/u/1mgug (: read & you’ll understand. i thought going off dailybooth will help a lil BUT i realized its NOT dailybooth BUT twitter. i need to lay off twitter for a bit. until i got everything right. everything in place. i messed up. &well, i really don’t know what to do any longer. i strayed away from God & i feel like shit. GOD should be my priority in life but i just messed it all up. Dx so until then, i’m just gonna go off twitter for a bit. (: tbh, no one will actually care if i go on hiatus or delete my twitter, so its alright. loser much? yeah, pretty much. ha.

&i really never touched on this anymore BUT i really do miss paddling. i regret leaving the team, i really do. it was just like me to give up halfway, give up something that i really really LOVE. where it was the only time i felt free, where everything just seems to disappear, where all i need to worry about was my twisting, my strokes, my timing, my perseverance & my paddling. i need to go for a run BUT i never seem to be able to find the time to do it. Dx procrastination much, urgh. i need to hit the gym & start venting all this stuffs on exercise. sigh.

&well, i’m pretty much a wrecked & i shall not touch on that much. it just i don’t know what i’m suppose to do. but i know i’ve a choice to make. its either i be selfish & choose a choice to make myself happy or make a choice that won’t hurt others but me. but i rather i’m the one who is hurt rather than the people i love. because loving someone means seeing them happy & not hurt. ♡♡♡

pretty much am still learning & i’ve come to a conclusion that i really don’t know what love is anymore. but i know i’ll find out when i find the right person to love & to be with. like what nic said

love is tricky stuff, if it happens it happens, im not gonna force it.
youll meet someone when your not even looking

so yup! xD if it happens, it happens. just gotta look on the bright side of life. i’m still young & there will be many many people that i’ll meet in my life (: YAY to me being optimistic (:

innocent much? HAHA

i just wish sometime it get easier. <3

life will never get easier. but all i need to do is toughen myself up & brave through this storm. as long as GOD is here with me, holding my hand & guiding me through, i’m sure i’ll be fine. (: ♡♡♡

xoxoxo-
atiqah.

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; i need you <3

okay, i’m officially a wrecked. but now more than ever, i need YOU. i need you to make everything alright. to tell me everything will be fine. to just hold me in your arms, hug me tight & whisper in my ear “everything is gonna be alright baby”. i want your assurance. i want to rant to you. i want you to make me feel better. i want to hear you saying “i love you baby”. i’m going crazy without having the chance to speak to you. i don’t even know how you are. i need you. get back on soon, please. <3

xoxoxo-
atiqah.

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; never will be. </3

; you will NEVER be mine. i will NEVER be able to call you mine. so i don’t even know why i actually bother & why do i play around with you? </3

; just another girl </3

at the end of the day, i’m just another girl. just another girl. yet another girl. oh wells.

; i never did cried like this before </3

having not to sleep for the 3 fucking nights & having to cry for 3 fucking nights for the fucking same reason for the fucking same person is not fucking funny at all. i never cried for any dudes like this before. not fucking funny at all. NOT FUCKING FUNNY. its time you fucking pack up & get out of my fucking mind. for real.

; @biieberrfever. @damiqua2. heartbreak warfare. </3

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It’s heartbreak warfare

Once you want it to begin
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love, why don’t you say so?
If you want more love, why don’t you say so?
—————-
Now playing: John Mayer – Heartbreak Warfare
via FoxyTunes

i’ve been procrastinating on writing on this page for DAYS, so now i decided to sit down & finally finish this overdue entry (: &i do realize that my last PROPER entry was on the 8th of January. HAHA. this is so unlike me cus i used to blog pretty regularly (: ha.

so woah, its monday. weekend is  over & i still haven got my shits done yet. D: so yes, today marks the last 2 week of school BEFORE a week of finals & then we’re done with freshmen year. xD time flew by darn fast doesn’t it? so yeah, 3 weeks of school gone & 3 more weeks & i’m done. (Y) i must say, i’m pretty excited for the end of freshmen year. xD past weeks have been alright i suppose? i have been coming in late for class pretty regularly & that HAVE to change for the next 2 weeks, i’m serious. i can’t fucking afford a -0.5 anymore. D: classes been pretty alright. (: i’m starting to hate cognitive & that’s bad seeing that it used to be my favorite module. but it just ridiculous when there you are trying but she thinks you’re not trying so whatever. urgh. marketing module is draining our brain cells away BUT its fun w my team members (: web & new media is flipping boring as USUAL. ha. communications is cool. (: maths is fun too (: that cus i understand. DUH.

so i got my modules chosen. basically, i don’t need to choose anything cus its pre-fixed with 4 modules & i got one day free (: i just hope i don’t need to repeat any modules, hopefully. all 4 modules consists of programming so god bless me! Application for my change of course got accepted (: &i’m happy, i guess? i don’t know. i submitted the application with no high hopes at all but yeah, i got accepted. so YAY (: i mean whatever GOD has planned for me, it should be right (:

class today was alright. did on RSS feeds & everything & i definitely enjoy it cus it wasn’t boring theory zzzz & we even ended class early, like before 3pm we were done with class. (: ain’t that awesome? yup, it sure is (: haha.

so past few weeks have been, i don’t know miserable? there were happy times & there were sad times. i spent days waiting for him to come online. but no, to no avail. so what the fuck. D: i stopped using my mobile phone for 2 weeks already & i’m totally fine without it. (:

i had a breakdown the other night last week & caiti did something really really really nice for me (: she did up for a Jeydon Wale photo of me & him & a very nice background for my twitter. enjoy them & comment (:

hunter & me <3

JEYDON WALES <3

i swear its damn nice (: OMGGGG WHORE, i LOVE you <333 homo all the way darling (: tyvm for this 2 stuffs. (: i always have so much fun talking to you & you’re such a nice person (: always putting a smile on my face (; &don’t you be upset whore, Justin Bieber will soon follow you & #prayformaryah will be a TT too (; i love you whore <3333

&last tuesday, something nice came into the mail which is my mail from Katelin (: i didn’t even know she was sending me stuffs so i got really shocked! &i really love all the stuffs that she gave me (:

necklace & a NZ coin (:

letter from katelin <3

DAIRY MILK CHOCS <3

so yup! those were all the stuffs that katelin’s sent me & i love every single thing of it (: plus, i got another heart necklace (; YAY.

&then on wednesday, the mail that i have been anticipating for ARRIVED. my package from Joel (: YAY. he got his in the morning & i got mine when i got home (: &i loved every single thing too (: plus he wrote something really sweet in the letter which made me tear just a lil bit (: but omg, he’s awesome (:

(:

(:

NOM.

HALVES <3

together <3

dayum. i love everything he sent me! <3 we now have the same pendant, ring & bracelet together <3 i simply love Joel <33 ’nuff said. (:

so anyway, i’ve been on tinychat too damn often that i think i might need a rehab for it soon haha. was on it for hours today in class. &on saturday i was there from 630 all the way till 330. LOL. i need to do something better. ahaha. but anyway, i like spending time w my sis- Nadi, Junt & Lilz. <3

tonight is just simply awful D: it dawned to me that 2 weeks from now, it’ll be a year since we first met <3 &look what is left of us now? i never cried so bad for ages & today the tears just never did stop. i just kept on crying & crying for you & i hate that. i don’t want to keep on crying for you. i don’t want to be hurt by you. i had enough of you hurting me, really. i don’t know why we planned bout our times when you get here. i don’t know why we got all excited. i don’t know why i gave so much more the second time. i don’t know why we had a second chance. i don’t know what happened. i don’t know why we ended. i don’t know if we weren’t in 2 different countries will things be different? i don’t know what will make us last. i don’t know if we ever have a 3rd time. i don’t know if you’ll ever come down here again. </3

&i don’t know bout you. you told me you’ll be on regularly BUT i never do see you. D: every night, every day, i wait for you BUT you never turns up. i’m tired of waiting. i’m tired of all your lies. yes lies, because you told me you’ll be on but you just disappear just like that, so yes, you lied to me. i want to talk to you again. every night. i want you to make me happy, to make me smile. to call me your baby & tell me i love you. i just want to be able to talk to you. sigh.

by the way, rachel is back up in Melbourne so i’m pretty much a lonely bitch now ): i’ll miss you babe! ): but i’ll cyu again in june. take care of yourself alright? &remember, i’m here for you always even if i’m not feeling all too good myself. so come find me & i’ll be there for you because don’t forget you’re magical & i’m fabulous & i’m your personal cheerleader <3

btw, i love daria too! <333 YAY to being 19th this year <3 i love you & caiti lots <333

so yes, i’m done with this. i wanna sleep & forget about everything. i hope i can. sigh.

xoxoxo-
atiqah.

; i LOVE my whore (@biieberrfever) <3

hunter & me <3

Caiti (@biieberrfever) did this for me cus i wasn’t feeling all too hot & all. THANK YOU SO MUCH WHORE <3333 i LOVE you a whole lot. thank you for getting out of bed even though it was freezing just to do this for me to cheer me up! thank you! <333

xoxoxo-
atiqah.

; i miss you <3

when you read this, because i know you will, as you told me you’ll read my blog to keep yourself updated w my life, please know that i miss you a hell lot. 1 week is a hell long of time & you promised me you’ll be here all the time. lies, darling, lies. D: i’m pretty disappointed. i wish i could talk to you more. come on soon darling, cus i need you. <33

xoxoxo-
atiqah.

; love

i read this & i cry. i have no idea why! nic, you made me cry! ): HAHA

xoxoxo-
atiqah

; you’re not worth it are you?

its ridiculous how for every 11:11 i see, i keep on wishing!  wishing you’ll be back. i’m absolutely disappointed w myself & THIS has to STOP. you somehow convinced me you’re not worth it, so i shan’t hope & wish anymore.

xoxoxo-
atiqah.

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; there’s no place i rather be but to be with you ♥

♥

there’s no place i rather be. no other person i wanna be with. except with you now. i just wished that whenever you tell me you’ll be on, it really means you’ll be on. &not letting me to wait & wait & you’re never there. D: i’m tired of waiting. of having to rush home just so i could have like an hour to talk to you. </3

xoxoxo-
atiqah.